Too Many Thoughts = Long Post

Lots of catching up to do but for now I need to write down a thought.

Here it goes:

This last week I've done a lot of "it's the start of a new year" pondering. The familiar January topic of new year's resolutions has crept into every conversation I've had in the past seven days, and I've left most of the conversations with nothing to contribute.  I have to admit that the excitement of a new year has failed to hit me. And I think I've discovered why.

Bare with me as I get a little personal. 

Year 2010 was hard. The trials came in all different shapes and sizes. Decisions of schooling, and working, and housing were overwhelming. The stress of finances was constant and consuming. Staying spiritually connected felt like more work than in years past. Our living situation was a nightmare. An unplanned pregnancy brought feelings of anxiety and insecurity. And my new reality of caring for three little ones two and a half years apart seemed too much.

Deep breath.

In several attempts throughout the year of explaining to Trev my feelings, a description like this is what usually came out, "I feel like my head is barely above the water and I'm treading water as best I can to just stay afloat." Anyone relate?

2010 for me was a year of survival.

On that (gloomy, so sorry) note, the idea of creating a list of new year's goals has seemed intimidating. I can' t help but think, "What if 2011 is just as hard, or, heaven forbid, even harder?"  "What if I don't feel ready to take on another year like the last?"

Well, the (slowly developing) optimist in me knows that this is no way to view life or what it has in store. I need to move forward with hope of what's to come.

Last night I buckled down and wrote my 2011 New Year's Resolutions.

Inevitably my list began with the infamous eat less/exercise more goal that seems to nudge it's way on to every resolution list. I jotted down some spiritual desires and my ever expanding "be a better mother" aspirations.

And here's what I came up with...the final draft, if you will.

2011's Resolution

Live More Fully 

That's it.

I want to live my life more fully. This year I'm not just surviving. I refuse to merely exist. I won't allow my challenges to slow my pace or distract me from the beauty and blessings life graciously offers. I'm living in the moment.

I plan on spending more time on the ground surrounded by a bucket of sidewalk chalk and little ones. I plan on getting outside more often and finding appreciation in God's creations like the desert cactus. I will be more willing to step out of my comfort zone by belting the high notes in Ward Choir or sharing the Gospel with the door to door salesman. I want to say 'yes' to my husband more often (wink wink). I want to serve more selflessly, laugh more heartily, cry more easily, and love more deeply. I plan to live more fully.

This feels big yet calming.

I'm not sure what 2011 holds. I do know that life's challenges come and go and are never comfortable or ideal. But they stretch us and mold us into the better versions of ourselves.  And for that, I say, "2011, bring it."

Life is what we make it.

Here's to making this year a better one!

Arizona sunset